This type of routine and activity continued until around 1953. It occurred on an average of perhaps once every two months. The pattern was always the same: experience the thrill of the pur- chases, enjoy them at home for awhile, and then destroy them be- cause of the guilt feeling and/or the fear of being discovered. There might be a purchase of only one item, or it could be an entire outfit; the time of retention in hiding of the articles would vary from a day to a month or two. Each time that the cycle ended I had mixed feelings of sadness at the loss of the garments, and relief that there was nothing further to be detect- ed by members of my family.

I had also resolved each time that the inclinations to pur- chase and wear female clothing would never get the best of me again. How untruthful I was with myself. Actually I believe the expense and waste of it all was what finally awakened me. I simply was spending too much. So to conquer this very real prob- lem I put myself on a budget. A certain sum each month was allot- ed for my feminine side. I told myself that Marilyn simply would

have to live within this allowance.

Except for the first month, I have consistently been within my budget. If the purchases for a particular month do not amount to the alloted sum, the reserve is simply increased. Thus there is no "requirement" to use the budgeted amount in a particular month. As a matter of fact, the building of a reserve allows one to make the larger purchase such as a nice wig and countless other nice but expensive items.

It startles me to realize the large amount of money I have spent over the last 7 or 8 years. However, the realization that I have at least regulated and, more important, controlled my spending is reassuring to me. Every penny spent has been charged to the reserve on hand at the time, including travel expenses, publications, clothing-everything of any relationship to TV de- sires. I recommend this system to all of my TV friends.

The development of my budget system made me also realize that I could not afford to be continually purchasing and then destroying clothing--the budget simply wouldn't permit it. So the only thing to do was to purchase and retain the lovely items. And thus the budget and the need for controlled expenditures was

7.